If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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