we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
