Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
