Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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