i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
