I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
