I need help removing her.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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