i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
