do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
