I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
