I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
