I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
