I bet he comes in French.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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