he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
