My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
