We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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