Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
