people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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