Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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