The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
