I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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