Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
