hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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