Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
