I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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