I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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