forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
