god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?