Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants

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(504): View more from Louisiana

why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?

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(319): View more from Iowa

the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".

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(217): View more from Illinois

We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(914): View more from New York

He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF

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(914): View more from New York

My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.

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