so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
