Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (298) Good night (75440) Bad night (3071)
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  (+82): View more from South Korea

  You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.

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  (+82): You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes. http://tfl.nu/6vdw
  Replies (7) Good night (5594) Bad night (1267)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.

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  (757): Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well. http://tfl.nu/ul8d
  Replies (12) Good night (5314) Bad night (1619)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you

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  (720): Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you http://tfl.nu/jkt1
  Replies (20) Good night (5179) Bad night (1165)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...

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  (715): i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend... http://tfl.nu/erib
  Replies (3) Good night (3512) Bad night (872)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.

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  (919): Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music. http://tfl.nu/oyb0
  Replies (24) Good night (8020) Bad night (1134)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.

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  (239): so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are. http://tfl.nu/bpgx
  Replies (15) Good night (3462) Bad night (1187)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend

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  (940): he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ls1q
  Replies (11) Good night (920) Bad night (3558)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.

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  (419): laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma. http://tfl.nu/ccs9
  Replies (7) Good night (3455) Bad night (901)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.

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  (985): Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers. (504): This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot. http://tfl.nu/gotr
  Replies (2) Good night (1006) Bad night (533)
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  (714): View more from California

  I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time

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  (714): I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time http://tfl.nu/bvah
  Replies (8) Good night (1036) Bad night (467)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.

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  (512): I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds. http://tfl.nu/soup
  Replies (4) Good night (558) Bad night (350)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.

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  (708): I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge. http://tfl.nu/23bj
  Replies (1) Good night (624) Bad night (369)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"

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  (250): I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast" http://tfl.nu/5ifs
  Replies (3) Good night (838) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year

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  (214): Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year http://tfl.nu/uj3d
  Replies (7) Good night (311) Bad night (224)

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