it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?