You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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