The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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