I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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