I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
