you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
