i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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