Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
