ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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