My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
