like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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