If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
