I think I am morally bankrupt
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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