Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
