Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
