Pants 0. Shit 1.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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