Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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