i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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