I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
