If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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