It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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