Define "chronic" masturbator.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
