Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
