How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
