He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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