I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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