did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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