my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize