Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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