he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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