umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
