i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize