I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
