And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
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I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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