Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
