Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
