ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
