All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
