He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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