Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
