You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
