i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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