Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
