I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
