What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
