i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize