Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
How's work?
Spinning.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
