I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
