I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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