a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
