I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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