I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I cut my penus on the lid.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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