moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My cat gives me a boner
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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